Absolutely Not Perfect Phone Company: Cingular

I got raped in the arse today.

That is, I went to the Cingular store to get a new phone & plan. My trusty Nokia 8260 (AT&T TDMA) bit the dust (mic died, most likely) and my parents were getting antsy about not being able to reach me ("What's wrong with e-mail?").

I shall vent:

1. you don't sell TDMA phones, you will only sell me a GSM phone -- fine. Progress, we'll say.
   
2. I agree to change my plan to a GSM one (thereby saving you headaches, I might add -- now there's one fewer TDMA customer to keep happy -- let the towers rot), but instead of falling to your knees, thanking me, and either kissing my feet or offering me a free phone which will make my coffee in the morning you charge me $39.99 for a DISCONTINUED Nokia 3120. No, I don't want the free Samsung. I want the Nokia one. Wait...why is it $40? Online I can get a refurbished one for $10 -- from your own website. Surely you can cut me a deal...for being such a loyal customer and all...even though you've screwed me twice before... No.
   
3. Fine. I'll pay for my new phone. I'll switch to your new plan. But you'll apply my company discount (thank you EMC and Stanford) to the new account, right? Just like the old one? Right? Wait...whaddaya mean it may take "one or two pay cycles to kick in"? I'm selling my soul to you for two years (oh, yeah, that's another thing -- I need to sign a new contract, even though I don't want to change to GSM but am more or less forced to?) and you can't even get the 15% to transfer from the old account immediately? YOU WANT MY BOSS'S PHONE NUMBER TO CHECK WHETHER I REALLY WORK WHERE I CLAIM?!!
   

Dicks.

Giant dicks.

And I've already described which part of my anatomy they were intruding upon. Or in.


It's fair to wonder why I did not walk out and get Verizon, T-Mobile, or Sprint. It turns out that they all have poor reception around Stanford campus. (Sidewalk lore has it that AT&T (now Cingular) has an exclusive deal with Stanford, allowing them to place towers on campus. In return, Stanford pimps out Cingular wireless plans to students.) So I'm stuck with Cingular.